Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Zero Sum Game


Life is hard sometimes. I do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt and to live my life well. I respect and love my friends and do my best to be kind to most everyone…I’m not gonna lie, there’s a few people out there that I just don’t try with anymore. I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes through their lives like this, and even with all of these considerations, we’ll still manage to step on somebody’s toes or hurt someone’s feelings or even smack against somebody’s core beliefs. It’s remarkable to me how different everyone is; how similar we can be in some regards and then you reach this seemingly innocuous fork in the road and end up in a fight for your life with someone you thought was a friend. Maybe not that dramatic, but sometimes it can seem that way, probably. What’s even more remarkable is that we can offend someone by simply living our lives the way we do. The way I make my eggs might be an affront to someone’s core beliefs. The fact that I eat eggs at all might be even worse. I dunno…

I’ve made some decisions lately that I recently found out go against some of my close friends personal beliefs. That’s shitty because they’re my friends and I care what they think and how they feel about things, namely me. I could care less if a stranger on the street likes me or thinks twice about how I go about my day, but finding out that a friend is unhappy with my life choices is a little hard to swallow. (insert sex joke here) I don’t know if it’s just because I feel like I’m supportive of my friends no matter what, or if it’s because I’m thinking that maybe they’re right and I missed something when I was sitting down to assess all my options before I made the call and moved forward. I suppose it could be either or a little bit of both. I know that no one can please all the people all the time, but it almost seems like it’s been hard to please just some of the people some of the time recently. I’m trying to determine if some of the issue might be jealousy and some of it might be projected fear because I’m moving forward and they aren’t; maybe some of it is legitimately my fault. Maybe this is a sign of issues that have been there for a while and just haven’t been addressed until now. Maybe this will be a deal-breaker and we won’t be able to stay friends if we’re both honest with each other about our feelings. I haven’t had a lot of time with this so I really don’t know what the next step is going to be and what, if any, of the above is actually true about this situation. I honestly hope it can be resolved and I hope it’s not something that will spell the end of a relationship that I care very much about holding on to. 

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