I think part of the reason I set out to do this 30 in 30 challenge was to set a goal and then follow through with it. I mean, I don't owe anyone anything. I have no idea how many people are reading these. I don't know if I'll end up writing something within this allotment of days that will touch someone or speak to them in some way. I know not every day will be full of humor and wisdom. Whatever the case may be, though, I think with all the changes going on in my life and with the positive outlook I've adopted, I wanted to do some thing simply to prove I could do it. I wanted to set up a target and knock it down; put an item on my to-do list and then check it off. I think there's definitely a part of me that hopes that this exercise will help me get into the habit of writing again. I used to write all the time...well maybe not all the time, but much much more often than I do now. Maybe I had more time, maybe I was going through more 'drama' so I had more material, either way, more pen to pad, less time spinning things around in my head. And if I can start a new habit, one that I actually enjoy and one that will absolutely benefit me in the long run, why wait?!
I like writing, and anyone that knows me knows that I'm a pretty big fan of talking too. Maybe this whole thing is just me being super vain and talking to myself, and if anyone happens to get caught in the crossfire, so be it. That's actually probably somewhat true. I could have totally written these blogs, or whatever, in a notebook and kept track of the days and still accomplished my goal. I would've cheated though. I need to be held accountable, I want to be held accountable. I want my word to mean something. I want to be able to be counted on. I want to say that I'll write 30 blogs in as many days and know that that's exactly what's going to happen. Putting these online made it super easy for any of you to call me out if I miss a day and it made it easy for me to track my progress.
The task was arbitrary, I could've just as easily said I'll learn a new song every day for 30 days, which actually I should probably do anyway, that'd be good practice...off topic...the point is to do something I don't do everyday, something that I actually want to do, and put up or shut up. If I can't sit down at my laptop for an hour a day (let's be honest, a couple of these have been squeezed out in 20-30 minutes) then what does that mean when bigger, more immediate tasks get put in front of me? I'm not an unreliable guy, I'd venture to say I'm quite the opposite, but there's definitely a part of me that is super super self-concious and unsure about my ability to perform under pressure (haha, insert sex joke here). I suppose that little voice inside is also keeping me reliable. Without the constant pressure on myself, maybe I'd let up a little bit. Maybe I'd be like, I can slack off this time, I've done all this other stuff. That's not that kind of person I want to be. That's also not to say that I want to do all the things put in front of me all the time. It IS to say that if I say I'll do something, you can rest assured it'll get done...or I lost a my mind or an arm trying.
People that try to please everyone all the time by trying to do EVERYTHING put in front of them are bound to slip up eventually. It's a lose/lose situation. You hustle around doing a bunch of random bullshit for a bunch of random people and never take the time to say no or figure out if what you're doing has any merit. At the end of the day, you're not really helping anyone, and you're not painting yourself as reliable, you're putting a target on your back that all your user 'friends' see and then they know you're the guy/gal to call when they need help moving their couch or when they can't afford to pay their cable bill or whatthefuckever other shit they 'need' you for that doesn't keep you moving forward, but spinning in place. And that's a super shitty position to be in on any number of levels.
I want to keep moving forward, forward and up. Onwards and upwards I believe is the proper terminology. I want to keep growing as a human being and setting personal goals is part of that growth. Helping my friend clean out his aquarium most likely doesn't qualify. Being able to say no to friends/family I think is also part of the growth I'm going for. I put this idea in an earlier blog, about being honest. The first person you need to be honest with is yourself; if someone asks you to do something, or if you'd like to get a project done, don't set yourself up for failure simply because you WANT to do it. Look at the situation honestly and if you don't have to time/energy/initiative/know-how, it's ok to say no. Don't be a dick about it, but don't commit yourself to projects you can't follow through on.
By 'you' of course I mean me; these are things I'm striving for, principles I'd like to adhere to. I'm not here to tell anyone else how to live their lives. However, if I say something that helps you on your own path, that's super awesome and I take full responsibility for the amazing person you become :).
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