Welcome to Thunderdome

It’s 10:43 now and I’m sitting on my couch in the living room eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon while I write this. I know, I know, don’t be jealous. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have something more to say, but for tonight I leave you with some random shit that actually occupies space in my brain…yes this might sound a bit like stoned ramblings, and no I’m not currently stoned. Don’t let the ‘eating peanut butter out of the jar’ thing fool you, that’s just a thing I do. Bring on the random...

I have this super ridiculous expectation of other people to always be on time and always answer their cell phones if I call/text. It’s super unrealistic, I’m aware it’s super unrealistic. In a lot of cases it’s probably not even fair. That said, I always want everyone else around me to be punctual and have their cell phones handy…I would also like for them to be understanding, because chances are better than not that I’m going to call when I’m running late to wherever I expect them to be on time...

I was thinking today that I should start a new instagram account where I just point at stuff. I was looking at a couple pictures on my current account where I was pointing at my hair and my t-shirt, and somehow the next thought that came to mind was: I should point at random stuff all the time and document it for friends and strangers. The sad thing about that is it might actually be a good/funny idea that people latch onto and spread to their friends and their friends’ friends. I don’t know if I’m prepared to be that guy.

There used to be this show on TV that I watched all the time, weekly probably, where this girl could freeze and unfreeze time when she touched her two pointer fingers together. I think about the benefits of having that power all the time…it bounces around in my head with all the other totally worthwhile thoughts I have. How awesome would it be to not actually lose a whole day of your life if you wanted to catch up on your current Netflix obsession? Or you could use it like Bill and Ted did in the second movie (though they had a time machine, they didn’t freeze time) to get super good at their instruments super fast. I mean there’s obviously countless things one could do with essentially infinite time, these are just some of the random things I think about because I’m not a smooth criminal who would go steal some shit whilst everyone was frozen. Oh I think she could unfreeze people she touched while time was frozen…I don’t know if I would use that portion of the power as often. I feel like I would freeze time to get away from people. It would be cool to trip out your friends who live hours away by freezing time while you’re on the phone with them and then letting yourself into their house or whatever and unfreeze time sitting on the couch next to them…It’s also 100% likely that if you looked around long enough, call it 38 minutes, you’d absolutely find someone with their dick in their hand. Take that shit to the bank.

I very recently found out, from a friend that reads this blog and just now bugged me about getting it done because it’s a bit late in the day, that some cats can actually be allergic to their own teeth. Uh, no thank you please. Why does that even exist? How is that helpful or evolutionarily necessary? That just seems like a cruel cruel joke and I am absolutely against it. I mean if there were any sides to the argument and one of the sides was for and the other was against, I’d definitely be on the against side. 

Sometimes I think about the type of accent my cat would have if he could talk. I have a black cat, but I totally don't go there...I think he'd have a French accent or something totally steeped in arrogance; maybe British or South African even. I mean, he's super chill and I love him, but he's a cat, and cats are inherently kind of assholes. I suppose the accent or more inflection that would fit best would be the stereotypical stone surfer dude from an 80's movie. I think the thing that bugs me about that is that my cat is smarter than that guy, probably smells better too. 

I recently read that the cast of The Big Bang Theory, the main cast, has basically put the next season on hold because they're holding out for more money. This type of shit makes absolutely no sense to me...I mean in a way it makes perfect sense. It's the most popular show on TV and without them it doesn't exist and if they can get more money for doing their job, then more power to them. HOWEVER...why the hell do you need more money to do the same job you've been doing for what like eight years? If you don't want to do it anymore, then don't do it, but don't be a huge douche and demand more money. You're already being overpaid. You stand in front of a camera and spit out some silly science jokes and wear ironic t-shirts for 22 minutes...there's no reason that's worth one million dollars per episode. I'd rather unsee all the episodes I've watched than have that fantasy become a reality...and while we're touching the subject, Kaley Cuoco, I was hugely disappointed to find out you were part of this whole debacle and because I know my opinion is super important to you; we're not going to get together when your marriage falls apart in two to five years. I don't want no greedy bitches. 

That's all for now, have a good night folks.